THIS IS HOW YOU HANDLE AN HONEST MISTAKE MADE BY A RETAIL BUSINESS. 

Hello all,

 I would like to thank you for the rapid fulfillment of my first order from your company, the cd soundtrack for the movie Suburbia. The cd arrived quickly & in great shape, so kudos for that!

 Unfortunately, you sent me the wrong cd. 

 As you can see on my sales slip, I ordered the soundtrack to Penelope Spheeris’s masterful 1983 punk rock drama, “Suburbia”. Spheeris used REAL PUNK ROCKERS in the movie, turning them into actors, instead of trying to turn actors into punk rockers, which is of course, impossible. While the lines they delivered were wooden, and the film low budget, it was an accurate representation of the punk scene in the 80’s. I know- I lived it. Plus the Vandals, TSOL, & DI have live performances in the movie. Real punk rock on the big screen? So rare, & so good. The instrumental soundtrack music is a little cheesy at times, but it was a real moment in time, & I love the movie to this day. 

The cd you have sent me is a soundtrack to a movie released in (according to it’s back cover) 1997. I never saw this movie. But I can tell you instantly by just looking at the cover, I would hate it. In fact, just looking at this cover makes me want to beat up every single one of the actors on it. Fake tattoos, gelled up hair to look slightly “edgy”, a slightly rebellious air, maybe even a pre-scuffed up leather jacket. In fact, had anyone of these people showed up at a real punk rock show back in the day, looking all zippy & smarmy, they definitely WOULD have gotten the shit beaten out of them, maybe by me. 

And by the way, the music sucks too. Sonic Youth, Exene, Skinny Puppy, Boss Hog- all great bands- BEFORE THIS ERA. The 90’s were the beginning of the end, when punk got watered down & sold along with over-priced water at Lollapalooza. YUCK! Please- Sonic Youth died with “Daydream Nation”. (At least the Butthole Surfers track is from the 80’s, but they too began to suck once they heard radio money calling. “Locust Abortion Technician” was their masterpiece.)

I do understand that this was an easy mistake to make, but I have no desire to listen to this terrible cd, in fact I have to keep it out of view or I will go into a rage-filled bout of nostalgia & smash it while cranking Black Flag’s “My War”. Then you probably wouldn’t take it back, I’m guessing. 

For the love of God, can we please make this right? I hate having this light weight “alterna-punk” stuff under my roof. It offends my delicate & highly refined sensibilities. Please advise ASAP.  

I am your humble servant,

D. Blythe 

Square Deal replied immediately the next day:
Hey there!

Thank you for contacting us! :) Your email was so fun to read so thank you for that. It really made our morning. :) I’m very sorry that we sent you the incorrect item! I did some research to get you the correct one and it turns out that we don’t have it at all. The one you received was mislisted and this is going to be corrected. I’m very sorry! We’re going to refund you the full total and you can keep the one we sent you free of charge. Now I realize you have absolutely no desire to listen to this soundtrack but maybe you can find something fun and destructive to do with it! I’m also going to send you a $3 coupon to help make up for our mistake: COUPON# *********
This coupon is valid on any item that we sell!
Thanks for your business!

-Chris
Square Deal Recordings & Supplieswww.SquareDealOnline.com
Serving the Music Industry Since 1972

  I see more and more people being jerks to sales clerks in public these days. There is absolutely no excuse for that kind of behavior, & it makes me want to smack some manners into these entitled buffoon’s mouths. As you can see, there’s no reason to be that way. Square Deal made a very easy & honest mistake, so I replied with humor. I had fun writing them, they had fun reading my email, they got rid of a crappy soundtrack & I got a coupon & something to use for target practice. Everyone’s smiling & happy- isn’t that nice?

I normally buy records from real record stores when I can (& so should you), but have been unable to find this soundtrack, so the hunt continues. I am sorry I will not be able to give Square Deal my money for this soundtrack, but I will buy something else from them- they do good business. 

PS- Although the 80’s were indisputably the best era for punk in America, I don’t really hate all the music from that time (mid/late 90’s) including some of the bands I mentioned. You must write for effect though, eh?

THIS IS HOW YOU HANDLE AN HONEST MISTAKE MADE BY A RETAIL BUSINESS.

Hello all,

I would like to thank you for the rapid fulfillment of my first order from your company, the cd soundtrack for the movie Suburbia. The cd arrived quickly & in great shape, so kudos for that!

Unfortunately, you sent me the wrong cd.

As you can see on my sales slip, I ordered the soundtrack to Penelope Spheeris’s masterful 1983 punk rock drama, “Suburbia”. Spheeris used REAL PUNK ROCKERS in the movie, turning them into actors, instead of trying to turn actors into punk rockers, which is of course, impossible. While the lines they delivered were wooden, and the film low budget, it was an accurate representation of the punk scene in the 80’s. I know- I lived it. Plus the Vandals, TSOL, & DI have live performances in the movie. Real punk rock on the big screen? So rare, & so good. The instrumental soundtrack music is a little cheesy at times, but it was a real moment in time, & I love the movie to this day.

The cd you have sent me is a soundtrack to a movie released in (according to it’s back cover) 1997. I never saw this movie. But I can tell you instantly by just looking at the cover, I would hate it. In fact, just looking at this cover makes me want to beat up every single one of the actors on it. Fake tattoos, gelled up hair to look slightly “edgy”, a slightly rebellious air, maybe even a pre-scuffed up leather jacket. In fact, had anyone of these people showed up at a real punk rock show back in the day, looking all zippy & smarmy, they definitely WOULD have gotten the shit beaten out of them, maybe by me.

And by the way, the music sucks too. Sonic Youth, Exene, Skinny Puppy, Boss Hog- all great bands- BEFORE THIS ERA. The 90’s were the beginning of the end, when punk got watered down & sold along with over-priced water at Lollapalooza. YUCK! Please- Sonic Youth died with “Daydream Nation”. (At least the Butthole Surfers track is from the 80’s, but they too began to suck once they heard radio money calling. “Locust Abortion Technician” was their masterpiece.)

I do understand that this was an easy mistake to make, but I have no desire to listen to this terrible cd, in fact I have to keep it out of view or I will go into a rage-filled bout of nostalgia & smash it while cranking Black Flag’s “My War”. Then you probably wouldn’t take it back, I’m guessing.

For the love of God, can we please make this right? I hate having this light weight “alterna-punk” stuff under my roof. It offends my delicate & highly refined sensibilities. Please advise ASAP.

I am your humble servant,

D. Blythe

Square Deal replied immediately the next day:
Hey there!

Thank you for contacting us! :) Your email was so fun to read so thank you for that. It really made our morning. :) I’m very sorry that we sent you the incorrect item! I did some research to get you the correct one and it turns out that we don’t have it at all. The one you received was mislisted and this is going to be corrected. I’m very sorry! We’re going to refund you the full total and you can keep the one we sent you free of charge. Now I realize you have absolutely no desire to listen to this soundtrack but maybe you can find something fun and destructive to do with it! I’m also going to send you a $3 coupon to help make up for our mistake: COUPON# *********

This coupon is valid on any item that we sell!
Thanks for your business!

-Chris
Square Deal Recordings & Supplies
www.SquareDealOnline.com
Serving the Music Industry Since 1972

I see more and more people being jerks to sales clerks in public these days. There is absolutely no excuse for that kind of behavior, & it makes me want to smack some manners into these entitled buffoon’s mouths. As you can see, there’s no reason to be that way. Square Deal made a very easy & honest mistake, so I replied with humor. I had fun writing them, they had fun reading my email, they got rid of a crappy soundtrack & I got a coupon & something to use for target practice. Everyone’s smiling & happy- isn’t that nice?

I normally buy records from real record stores when I can (& so should you), but have been unable to find this soundtrack, so the hunt continues. I am sorry I will not be able to give Square Deal my money for this soundtrack, but I will buy something else from them- they do good business.

PS- Although the 80’s were indisputably the best era for punk in America, I don’t really hate all the music from that time (mid/late 90’s) including some of the bands I mentioned. You must write for effect though, eh?

My cat Salad says go to my other blog and read a new post: “HOW TO GET YOUR FIRST BOOK DEAL (the very hard way)” at www.darkdaysbook.tumblr.com. Salad would like to thank you in advance for your time.

My cat Salad says go to my other blog and read a new post: “HOW TO GET YOUR FIRST BOOK DEAL (the very hard way)” at www.darkdaysbook.tumblr.com. Salad would like to thank you in advance for your time.

A new blog I started about my writing process & book. Check it out if ya wish!

www.darkdaysbook.tumblr.com

A new blog I started about my writing process & book. Check it out if ya wish!

www.darkdaysbook.tumblr.com

Loch Ness

This is footage I shot the other day in the Scottish Highlands- it’s an amazing place, surreal in its beauty and sheer majesty. I had a day and a half off in Glasgow, so my friend Gordon and I took the A82 road from Glasgow all the way to Inverness, where we spent the night. It was a wonderful escape for a bit from the concrete and drudgery of a UK winter tour- our shows here are always good, but damn a winter tour puts Ye Olde Doom and Gloom on me- the lack of sun is awful for a Southerner like me! After my Highlands jaunt, we played a crazy show in Glasgow- afterwards a young fan named Fern asked if she could sing me a folk song- of course, anything but screaming and more heavy metal is pleasing to my ears out here on tour. Fern was shy, & told me she suffered from panic attacks- it took a lot of courage for her to sing to me publicly, so I secretly turned on the iPhone and taped her, letting her know only after she was done. I thought the music worked well with the footage, so here you have it. The song is “Honest Work” by Maddie Prior- everything shot/recorded/edited on iPhone 5. Long live Scotland the Brave, and long live the Highlands!

This is a movie I made in Prague during my trial. I filmed the footage with a Canon EOS 60D, edited it with Final Cut Pro X, and wrote the music using Reason. I wanted to release a slightly different version of the film right before my judgement was rendered by the court (the very last shot in this version was not there until after I was pronounced innocent). My idea was to show my mind set through film and music during the process of my trial, and have a more ambiguous ending heading into my final day in court. I did not know what was going to happen to me, only that I felt I was doing the right thing by being there. Working in a creative capacity during the trial helped me to remain calm- it is what I know how to do, so I wanted to share it with people. I showed the clip to my lawyer and he advised against releasing it until after the trial was over, thinking the authorities might not understand what I was trying to say with the movie. It is all over now, so here is my poor attempt to try and create art in a time of great personal uncertainty.

Note- the Devil plays an important part in Czech fairy tales, and marionettes are a bit of Czech folk culture I came to love while I was there- the marionette hangs in my study now. The Devil is different in Czech fairy tales though, to my understanding- the puppet is representative of me, the way I viewed myself, the way I was viewed by society at different times- all sorts of things. It is not representative of evil- just wanted to clarify that.

Abandoned Renaissance Fair, Fredericksburg, VA.

Abandoned Renaissance Fair, Fredericksburg, VA.

Practicing the lonely art on a rainy afternoon. Worcester, Mass, 6.18.13

Practicing the lonely art on a rainy afternoon. Worcester, Mass, 6.18.13

Me in front of the world’s largest praying hands, in front of Oral Roberts University, Tulsa, Oklahoma. Oral Roberts was my FAVORITE televangelist. He made all sorts of wacky claims, including being able to RAISE THE DEAD, and of course, the infamous 900 FOOT TALL JESUS who came to him in a vision. (he also later saw a 640 foot Christ- Oral liked his Jesus’s BIG) Oral got real rich off of gullible people- once he said in January of 1987 that if he didn’t raise 8 million bucks by March, THE LORD HIMSELF was going to “call him home”. March arrived and he had 9.1 milli in the bank! Way to fund raise, Oral! You would like to think that these are giant, strong, Mom-and-apple pie AMERICAN HANDS, but Oral had this, the world’s largest bronze sculpture, cast in Juarez, Mexico. Outsourcing Christ, the American way! Oh, Senõr Oral- WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!

Me in front of the world’s largest praying hands, in front of Oral Roberts University, Tulsa, Oklahoma. Oral Roberts was my FAVORITE televangelist. He made all sorts of wacky claims, including being able to RAISE THE DEAD, and of course, the infamous 900 FOOT TALL JESUS who came to him in a vision. (he also later saw a 640 foot Christ- Oral liked his Jesus’s BIG) Oral got real rich off of gullible people- once he said in January of 1987 that if he didn’t raise 8 million bucks by March, THE LORD HIMSELF was going to “call him home”. March arrived and he had 9.1 milli in the bank! Way to fund raise, Oral! You would like to think that these are giant, strong, Mom-and-apple pie AMERICAN HANDS, but Oral had this, the world’s largest bronze sculpture, cast in Juarez, Mexico. Outsourcing Christ, the American way! Oh, Senõr Oral- WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!

"The party’s over." 6/10/13- Tulsa, OK

"The party’s over." 6/10/13- Tulsa, OK

Rafał, singer of Polish metalers DECAPITATED, with his tour driver, Vince. Dreads up!

Rafał, singer of Polish metalers DECAPITATED, with his tour driver, Vince. Dreads up!